Life Update

"When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond. That’s where your power is."

Hi loves! It’s been awhile since I’ve shared much on my blog and there is a reason for that. My dad passed away around this time last year and it’s obviously taking me awhile to process and figure out how I wanted to share this. If you know me, or read some of my previous blogs, you know I didn’t have the best relationship with my father. He did terrible things to me that left me with scars I will have to battle for the rest of my life…. So processing this hasn’t been easy and I didn’t want to share anything from a place of anger or resentment.

It’s a strange experience mourning a father that hasn’t treated you the best. My feelings have been from one extreme to the next. I have felt sad, angry, frustrated, relieved, hurt, and even sometimes at peace.

I remember hearing the news and feeling my heart drop. It’s weird to think that he isn’t here anymore. The thought of losing anyone in life can be heart breaking. The truth is I have been grieving the loss of my father long before his actual death. I think a part of me was also mourning the idea of having a good father… the kind of father I always wish I had. Now that he’s gone, I guess I felt heart broken that he was never ever going to be the father I wanted or deserved.

The aftermath of my father's death has honestly been the worst pain of it all. This experience has taught me that death exposes people for who they truly are deep down... which is saddening but can also be a blessing in disguise.

The truth is my father was never going to be a part of my future, because I didn’t want him to be nor did he deserve to be. Before his death, I dreaded the day I would have kids and have to tell them we could never visit their grandpa because he was bad guy. The thought of not having to worry about this or him doing anything to any child again makes me feel a little at peace.

I wanted to share this because I have felt myself letting this and other things drag me down, but that’s not me and not what I want for my life. I always want to be honest and comfortable sharing what is going on in my life.

This past year has been heavy but I am ready to move forward in truth and surrounded by people who truly care for me.

Sending love to you all, especially anyone in mourning right now!

Xx, Krystal Ann